What do I mean? I wanted to say the makings of the Proverbs 31 woman, but seriously I haven’t gotten to the point where my lamp burns into midnight and my children are dressed ion velvet and etcetera. We are all a work in progress, aren’t we?
Who is this woman I am talking about? It’s the woman you want to become. Whether it’s a successful chef or a wonderful house wife, a cherished daughter that provides for her parents or a pilot, (Azuayi, you’re the ginger there) or a baker or like me, a successful wife-lawyer-oil & gas magnate-TV show host-entrepreneur rolled into one, the woman is someone who we all hope to be, frankly, a better you or a better me.
I want to be better, to challenge myself and push myself to be better than I am now. To know I can deal with the procrastination, lackadaisicalness, morbidity and petty issues like envy and jealousy, constantly digging a deep valley in me that makes my mind a constant carousel of spinning and wandering around wondering how I can be better than who and what I am already.
I have friends who earn 500,000 naira per month or more. I’m wondering, how can I become better to earn such pay and afford to travel to places like some of them do.
I have friends who are amazing with makeup and I’m constantly wondering how to get my hands to create a masterpiece on my face like they do in minutes.
I have friends who bake like they were born in bake womb and cook like it was engraved in their DNA. I mean, I want to take up the challenge and be good at that too.
How can I be better? What am I good at?
Truth be told, I think I am quite good at a few things. Writing for one (provided I get more disciplined than I am now) or cooking or speaking. I think I am good at that. But then , I’m thrust into a corporate world where I meet people in the Oil and Gas industry that have their masters done at Dundee or Oxford and I wonder, how come I haven’t said anything stupid yet to them, wondering how I can make myself better. So I want to be good at everything, which is not bad but that in itself puts pressure on you to be several things. I feel sometimes I may have different shades of who I am yet not a perfect one in any of them. Like a Jack of all trades and a master of none.
So, how can I be better?
I have learned in these years to stop. Stop and take stock.
I’m trying to be an Oprah, a Condoleeza Rice, a Dora Akunyili and a Rachael Ray; I’m trying to be Natural Nigerian and Seyi Shay (Oh yeah, I’m thinking I should wax an album or something). I’m thinking I should be lead dancer of the Spirit of David Dance Group. Goodness!
What about being me?
What’s wrong with being me?
What’s wrong knowing I don’t have everything figured out yet knowing that it will be alright?
I guess you are also wondering like me and thinking, “what in the world is wrong with this girl?”
It isn’t just about being a better me. How can you be a better you when you don’t know you?
And how do you know you?
I think I read too much self-help, self-discovery books trying to find out who I am, my temperaments and personalities and what career would suit my person blah, de blah. But you see, it took just a glimpse of understanding for me to see who I am?
What better way to know who I really am than to One who knows the delicate parts of me, the intricacies that make me me? And you know what just settled this question of who I am and being a better me?
Just knowing that, just mulling it over in my mind, just thinking about me answers the question of who I am. I am loved!
I can’t get better than that!
How can I be better? By just resting in these three words. I am Loved. He loves me.
Just to stop worrying about a salary I haven’t earned yet, a skill I haven’t learned yet, a vocation I don’t need but I think I need because it validates me; to stop worrying in all these and start from the beginning on a clean slate- tabula rasa.
I am Loved.
Then we can begin. We can begin to know who we are, what we want, where to go, what to do. It all stems from knowing you got someone who loves you so bad, he can move the world for you. So who am I? I’m a girl who is loved. How can I be better? Like I said earlier, by resting in that knowledge. Because when you know for sure, no one can take that away from you. And when you know, you know and you can get better.
So, though I feel insecure from time to time and question my gifting, my height, my life et all, I just know, there’s nothing wrong with being me.
Photo Credit : http://featherineaurora.deviantart.com/